Government Denies Leaving Barmy Army Under Equipped – ACC Arbitrators Step In

Despite England’s unexpected capturing of the Ashes against the Aussies this summer, complaints over the lack of equipment issued to the Barmy Army for the tour of South Africa have continued to escalate. more...

2 September 2009, Dabchick females reeling in shock, Fitch hitched

Females in Aldbourne were in a state of shock at the news of the recent marriage of ACC’s most eligible bachelor. Wailing and gnashing of teeth broke out among the young women in Aldbourne when they learnt that Edward Arthur William Fitch had taken the vow. That this would happen came as no surprise to your reporter, who had long witnessed the massed females (1) at the games of ACC, the little known Wiltshire club, gazing longingly at the huge run up taken by the team captain on his way to taking out the middle stumps of the opposition. more...

1 September 2009, Osama Bin Laden has indeed taken up the opportunity to play for ACC

Sources close to the Dabchick and the Al Jazeera Living Channel have confirmed last November’s reports that Osama Bin Laden has indeed taken up the opportunity to play for ACC, the little known Wiltshire cricket club. For those who want to take the risk, he can be seen playing regularly for the Dabchick’s (ACC’s nickname) albeit he has heavily disguised himself by shaving his beard and emitting various shrieks and whoops whenever he thinks he should have taken a wicket. Despite his efforts to reform, the terrorist in him still seems to awaken from time to time and it is rumoured that several visiting teams’ umpires have had Fatwahs taken out on them for turning down his appeals. Another attempt at concealing his identity is the adoption of the name Osamu Nim Baydon. more...

4 August 2009, House of Lords Awards Anonymous ACC Player 24 Hours of His Life Back

Your reporter has learnt from sources at Newsbiscuit, the Dabchick and his leaking mole in the ICC that in an extraordinary landmark case, the House of Lords will rule tomorrow that, Aldbourne, the little known Wiltshire cricket club, will be ordered to refund over 24 hours of ‘life’ back to one of its own team members. This comes after he brought a case which alleged nobody at the club had taken any of his advice in his last 4 games, consequently wasting 24 hours of his life. In addition, he will be awarded £300,000 in expenses and an extra day for the added frustration caused by not only ignoring his advice but also, as a result, losing each of the games he played in. more...