Sources close to the Dabchick and the Al Jazeera Living Channel have confirmed last November’s reports that Osama Bin Laden has indeed taken up the opportunity to play for ACC, the little known Wiltshire cricket club. For those who want to take the risk, he can be seen playing regularly for the Dabchick’s (ACC’s nickname) albeit he has heavily disguised himself by shaving his beard and emitting various shrieks and whoops whenever he thinks he should have taken a wicket. Despite his efforts to reform, the terrorist in him still seems to awaken from time to time and it is rumoured that several visiting teams’ umpires have had Fatwahs taken out on them for turning down his appeals. Another attempt at concealing his identity is the adoption of the name Osamu Nim Baydon.

He amended his name still further for the inaugural Munim T/20 Tournament. No doubt disappointed that ACC did not win the event in its first year, he has suggested to the organising committee that an invitation should be extended to a team from the emerging cricketing nation of Afghanistan for 2010. He has asked that they should play Woodlands St. Mary , the current holders of the tournament, in their first game. At first the committee was very interested in his proposal that a team from Helmand Province should be invited to next year’s competition until they heard that the world of Major League Baseball was in shock yesterday after the Helmand team, composed entirely of Taliban rebels, was unceremoniously kicked out of the World Series.

Organisers made the decision following several instances of unprovoked violence against opposing teams and issued the following statement:
‘We have to take a stand against players who throw hard objects at the opposing batter without letting them have a bat to hit them with.’

In a case of ‘three strikes and you’re out’, the Taliban team has also been criticised for their vocal protests against the ‘un-Islamic’ organ music during the quarter finals against the Colorado Rockies, and their wholesale execution of the St. Louis Cardinals for refusing to grow beards. ‘Such aggressive behaviour will not be tolerated,’ said a National League spokesman. ‘We suggest they go back to wherever they came from. Either that or take up ice hockey.’

Whilst plans are being developed for new sporting facilities in Aldbourne, nothing has yet been proposed that would lead to an ice hockey rink. Villagers will sleep soundly in their beds knowing that the Helmand team would not now be interested in visiting their old muckah as there is little prospect of a cricket pitch either.

Jez at the Blue Boar, proud sponsors of the little known Wiltshire cricket club of ACC, has become very wary of developments, however, since Osamu Nim Laden has moved from front of house to the kitchen. Apparently his latest recruit has been seen looking up recipes for a fruit Bombe on the internet and visiting firework sites, on the premise of finding sparklers to put on the top of birthday cakes.